A Better Past

Long Drive Home

I couldn’t wait to walk out of the door and drive away
The stress was more than I could take
Every word spoken so fake
This isn’t how a home should make you feel when you awake

So take the long way home tonight
And sing that song as loud as you can

The only person waiting for me doesn’t even want me there
My feet are bleeding from the eggshells
And my heart from the despair
This isn’t how a home should make you feel when you’re there

So take the long way home tonight
And sing that song as loud as you can
Take the long way home tonight
And sing that song as loud as you can

A Better Past

Some conversations punctuate
A moment in time
And though your life will fluctuate
That moment’s been defined

You hold on to the memory
On the outskirts of your mind
No matter just how hard you try
To leave those thoughts behind

“Forgiveness is the release
Of all hope for a better past”
I cannot seem to let go cause
Some things you can’t take back
Stuck in an endless cycle
The words still fill my head
I’m living in denial
Of everything I said

Panic washes over me
(My darling will you hear my plea?)
As I feel you hesitate
(I’d give it all for you to stay)
To say the words I long to hear
(After all that we’ve been through, my dear)
Just give it to me straight

And though my mind says let go
Just before I reach the edge
I feel your hand on my heart
Chase away all of the dread

“Forgiveness is the release
Of all hope for a better past”
I cannot seem to let go cause
Some things you can’t take back
Stuck in an endless cycle
The words still fill my head
I’m living in denial
Of everything I said

Why can’t I forgive myself?

“Forgiveness is the release
Of all hope for a better past”
I cannot seem to let go cause
Some things you can’t take back
Stuck in an endless cycle
The words still fill my head
I’m living in denial
Of everything I said

NOTE: The line about forgiveness was lifted verbatim from a wonderful poem by Buddy Wakefield entitled “Hurling Crowbirds at Mockingbars”.  Buddy himself attributes the quote to someone else, who attributes it to someone else, ad nauseum.  Internet searches attribute the origin to Lily Tomlin.  To whomever was the first person to string those words together in that order: Thank you.

Desperate Times

The morning hums a somber tune
The day begins way too soon
I take a breath and face the gloom
The lights all buzz like dying flies
In my cubicle I sigh
I try to smile but it just dies

Punching in with a coffin key
Trading time for a slow disease
Buried alive in breakroom dreams
Each shift closer to the end of me

My spine keeps track of every debt
Each hour’s sold, no credit left
A tally carved in bone and sweat
The clock hands twitch like loaded dice
Trade our breath for their device
They count the cost, we pay the price

Punching in with a coffin key
Trading time for a slow disease
Buried alive in breakroom dreams
Each shift closer to the end of me

Desperate times calling for desperate measures

Still punching in with a coffin key
But there’s a pulse still left in me
The fire’s faint, but still burns clean
I won’t die for someone else’s dream

Alright

Drove all night
So I could see you
As the sun comes up
To kiss the morning dew
I push the pedal down
Prepare to face the day
Gotta get out of this town
Gotta get away

One heartbeat from burning down
In a braindead city
When the lights went out
And you said it’s alright
So it’s alright
Two hands, intertwined
We’ll face the world and
Leave our cares behind
Cause you said it’s alright
So it’s alright

We’re not lost
We’re simply learning
The fear we hold so dear
Isn’t planning on returning
A one-way ticket out
A greyhound ride away
All the bags are packed
It’s leaving today

One heartbeat from burning down
In a braindead city
When the lights went out
And you said it’s alright
So it’s alright
Two hands, intertwined
We’ll face the world and
Leave our cares behind
Cause you said it’s alright
So it’s alright

My lungs are full and waiting
To shout these thoughts a home
When the sunlight’s fading
You remind me I’m not alone

One heartbeat from burning down
In a braindead city
When the lights went out
And you said it’s alright
So it’s alright
Two hands, intertwined
We’ll face the world and
Leave our cares behind
Cause you said it’s alright
So it’s alright

Comeback

The first time that you walked away
I couldn’t imagine the things that day
Would eventually become
My God what have I done

I replay that moment constantly
And fear right then you hated me
And walked away in tears
We’ve lost so many years

Where have you gone
I know there’s not an answer
Will you come back?
I know that you’re still in there

Hindsight takes it’s toll on me
Shows me things I didn’t see
In the moments that have passed
I want to take it back

Where have you gone
I know there’s not an answer
Will you come back?
I know that you’re still in there, somewhere

You’ll never know how much you mean to me
You’ll never know how much you mean to me
You’ll never know how much you mean to me

My flesh, my blood, my son
I dream of things you could become

Where have you gone?
I know there’s not an answer
Will you come back?
I know that you’re still in there, somewhere

R.O.D.

Life just has a way of knowing
How to beat us down
Sucking all the life out of
The happiness we’ve found
But in these times we realize
On who we can depend
The people there through thick and thin
Our real family and friends

So here’s to new beginnings
Here’s to what comes next
Here’s to all the good times
That we hope will never end
Here’s to new beginnings
It’s time to start again
Let’s raise a glass into the air and
Celebrate this day with our true friends

Sometimes it’s hard to comprehend
Just where some people stand
But in times of strife
We show the cards held in our hands
Those who always lift you up
Even when the chips are down
Are the authentic friendships
That will always be around

So here’s to new beginnings
Here’s to what comes next
Here’s to all the good times
That we hope will never end
Here’s to new beginnings
It’s time to start again
Let’s raise a glass into the air and
Celebrate this day with our true friends

So here’s to new beginnings
Here’s to what comes next
Here’s to all the good times
That we hope will never end
Here’s to new beginnings
It’s time to start again
Let’s raise a glass into the air and
Celebrate this day with our true friends

Killing Your Darlings

You meticulously crafted
Every word in every line
Obsessed with every detail
The text has been refined
Your soul is poured on the page
Blood, sweat, tears, and agony
Your message built from letters
Cut out from a magazine

Spelling out what you believe

Underneath a cold moon
The spray of an artery
A crimson pool is forming
It’s the way it has to be
When they’re formed within your mind
Born inside your head
Even if you kill your darlings
The memories won’t stay dead
They won’t stay dead

While attending the funeral
You hang your head and weep
For all the passages you loved
But in the end you couldn’t keep
What good is a message
That no one will ever hear?
Time to make another visit
And you are next, my dear

It’s all becoming clear

From on top of the world
For miles you can see all
It only took a nudge
To send her into freefall
When they’re formed within your mind
Born inside your head
Even if you kill your darlings
The memories won’t stay dead
They won’t stay dead

As the bodies stack up
No one will ever know
Where you keep the graveyard
That you’ll reap, but never sow
A catalog of excerpts
To fill up your next breath
Provides you with some comfort
Gives meaning to their deaths

When you gave them life they became
Yours to sacrifice
But as to the memory
Of those who paid the price
When they’re formed within your mind
Born inside your head
Even if you kill your darlings
The memories won’t stay dead
They won’t stay dead